At the end of February we got word that NASA was suspending work on the project that I have been working on for the last six years: Mobile Launcher 2, the launch pad for the next evolution of the rockets designed to return astronauts to the Moon. This structure would have served as the platform on which the Space Launch System Block 1B and Block 2 rockets would have been assembled, transported to the launch site, fueled and launched from. It was the first project that I have been involved in building that meant more to me than a paycheck or an opportunity for advancement. On the days I was down because of typical work bullshit I would imagine watching TV on the day of the Artemis IV mission launch and point at ML2 on the TV and tell my friends, “I built that!” even if all I really did was chase down subcontractor schedules and verify invoices.

Now a mostly built ML2 will probably rust in place and be cannibalized for parts for, in my admittedly biased opinion, the lesser ML1. Yes, the project is just suspended, but that’s kind of aerospace contractor code for “never gonna happen”. When it gets really quiet in the office we share fantasies of the customer realzing that completing ML2 with modest modifications would serve them much better in the long term, but some of our colleagues are already taking calls from the next project. The job is ending and we all feel it.

So now, earlier than I expected, I have to go out and find my next project. Bills still have to be paid. I’ve been spoiled with this job. I fell into it totally by accident when Covid started and everything else shut down. I got a call the day after receiving a furlough notice, and they asked me, the boy who fantasized about stowing away on the Space Shuttle when he visited Kennedy Space Center in Florida with his grandparents, if I would like to work on returning people to the Moon. Hell yes! I ran downstairs and shouted happy nonsense at my wife Stefanie who must have thought I had lost it. In less than 24 hours I went from darkest depression to complete elation.

In reality it was a job just like all the other ones I’ve had before. TPS Reports and Corporate Jargon. But I never worked a job with so many other people who were so invested in seeing the end product in action. It’s hard to imagine that with the other projects that we work on. Hopefully I’ll be able to resolve my feelings about leaving work that excited me unfinished, but for now it just feels like I couldn’t quite touch the Moon.